heart cries

"God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at the break of day." -Psalm 46:5

lots of deep breaths.

i look at the schedule for the month, and i'm not sure i can make it.

i'm okay at the moment.  four carefree weeks of quenching wanderlust and catching up with friends and sleeping late has seemed to silence the disease that hides within me.

but what about the coming days?

the easy prayer is to beg over and over that i would be well. it becomes compulsive, enslaving, demanding.  the hard prayer is to ask to be sustained, for grace to survive whatever comes - whether sickness or wellness or a chronic state of unwell, for eyes to see the love around me, for a heart of compassion for those in my care. 

and so i wait, and pray, and hope for health, knowing that may not come, and step forward into this new place anyway.