there are things that have been difficult: a three-day hospitalization for pneumonia. turning down a residency position at hopkins because something in my heart told me i need to be here in pittsburgh for now. keeping people alive who should have been allowed to die in peace. letting people die who i wished could have lived.
but there are also things that have been beautiful: finding out i really like seeing patients. being healthy enough to see patients. only needing to take five sick days all year (compare with at least thirty the year prior). giant chocolate chip cookies from the hospital cafeteria. being able to meet my parents for dinner after living away the past nine years. making new friends. escaping to mexico and the pacific northwest with old friends. finding i am stronger than i imagined.
so i take a deep breath in and let a new year begin.