the i-don't-knows

i have answered "i don't know" no less than 286 times this month when asked details about moving.

some have been logistical questions that finally have answers:

where will you be living?

monterey hills (east of downtown LA)

have you packed?

finally, yes.

what will you be doing?

it's an HIV corrections fellowship.

i'll be at LA County Hospital's HIV clinic, the LA county jail, and a clinic on Skid Row.

yes, Skid Row is a real place.

yes, I said the jail.

yes, my mom is nervous.

will you miss pittsburgh?

YES!

a lot of questions are more complex, and i don't have answers. i have no idea what to expect. i don't know what it will be like working in a jail. i don't know what my patients will be like or how i will fill my days. i know data and statistics about hiv and jail and homelessness, but i don't know anyone's stories yet so i feel at a loss.

the good news is, i've done a lot of things before where i haven't known anything other than facts:

i moved to swaziland knowing only the perinatal hiv rate (42.6%) and the number of orphans (100,000 of a national population of one million). what i found were amazing friends like zandi and jabu who taught me what it is to hope.

i worked in alaska for a month at a native alaskan hospital. i knew rates of alcoholism and domestic violence were horribly high, but it wasn't until bruised women shared with me their stories did i start to understand.

so now i start this next adventure with all of my not-knowing, and am waiting for the stories to begin.

"instructions for living a life:
pay attention.
be astonished.
tell about it."
-mary oliver